I have shared this before on a blog I had a couple of years ago, but that page is no longer in existence. Since Rowan recently turned three I wanted to share again, my story of becoming a mother for the first time. I wrote this story nearly two years ago and decided not to change/edit any of it, since well I remembered it best then, although I did want to edit this again.
(Photo of my peanut when she was a few months old)
My birth story is LONG, but worth reading if your into that sorta thing. I wrote most of this on Rowan's first birthday, but just finished it tonight on International Women's Day, I thought both days were fitting. Women are strong as hell. I will also say if it weren't for my husband I wouldn't have gotten through labor as smoothly as I did, he is my rock and I love him.
I have started writing this story probably a dozen times. Each time I open a blank document and then never what to say or how to say it, maybe I’m nervous or shy about sharing my birthing story, but why should I be? It’s beautiful and it’s life. But today, marks one year. ONE WHOLE YEAR, of Rowan being earth side.
So today it just feels right. I feel like I can finally type out the story of her arrival.
For months, actually years I had planned on having an unmedicated, natural, home birth. I had known for a long time that this was the way I was meant to birth. I truly believe that everyone is meant to birth differently. We need to ask and listen to our bodies when it comes time to make that decision. Many people were shocked and didn’t know what to think. Some still are, when they learn that Rowan was born at home, but I try not to get frustrated with those people, I try to help them understand that it was the most beautiful and sacred time in my life. As long as I am healthy and strong enough I will birth my children at home.
I found out I was pregnant the end of June 2015. Jason and I had been engaged for almost a year and were planning our wedding and to move back to Milwaukee for him to finish up school. Yes we were surprised by the news but oh so filled with joy. We immediately began researching midwives and home birth options in the Milwaukee area. Jason actually found the midwifery that we went with. Good job hubby! Inner Birth Midwifery in Burlington, WI, the best birth team a first time mama (or any mama really) could ask for.
Since wedding things filled the first couple months of my pregnancy, the first trimester went fairly quickly, but I will say that pregnancy brought a sort of calm and peacefulness over me that I had never experienced before, a magical feeling for me. Now fast forward to November.
In November, Jason and I began preparing ourselves for home birth by attending classes and practicing a birthing technique known as Hypno Birthing.
Hypno Birthing is a mindfulness practice used to help think of birth and labor as a beautiful, calm journey, rather than a medical emergency. ---Now don’t get me wrong, I totally respect and understand that some women just need or want medical help and intervention and I have so much respect for those women, because it takes strong ass women to birth no matter how you do it!----But for me this was the right method. Hypno birthing not only prepared Jason and I for a calm labor but it just brought a sense of calm over our whole being. It was the best decision we made during the pregnancy process.
Now fast-forward again to the end of February. I should say that my initial due date was February 14 according to my last period. I also was given a due date of March 1, according to the ultra sound. So, the day was upon us, February 27, 2016. As you can see by the “due dates” above, I was late, sort of. The little bugger still hadn’t arrived and though I did feel a bit different that day, there will still no signs that I was actually in labor. Because the estimated due date that we went with just to be safe for the home birth was February 14, it was getting to a crucial point in time that she needed to come that week in order for her to be born at home. So that day (February 27, 2016) my midwife advised I take a few approaches to natural labor induction.
I remember the day so vividly. We were living on the East side of Milwaukee at the time, about 8 blocks from the Goodwill. Jason and I took our dog Norah for a walk up to the Goodwill so Jason could buy some VHS tapes. I remember this day was unseasonably warm, as many days this February have been. We walked back home stopping by a local acupuncture clinic on the way to grab the phone number. As acupuncture is known as a natural labor inducer and can help to trigger labor pressure points I wanted to get some done that day. We probably walked for about two hours that morning. I was convinced that walking would help her come, it’s not true, but still I was convinced and still no signs of labor.
It was around 11 a.m. and I decided to go get some acupuncture done. It was quite relaxing and made me feel pampered, until I had to pee about half way through, but had to hold it because I couldn’t move with all the needles in me. Haha. After the session we headed back home. But not without a stop at Oakland Gyro, Jason loves his gyros. I wasn’t feeling up to eating that, so I think I grabbed something when we got to Whole Foods when we went there to pick up some castor oil, another natural labor inducing technique (IMPORTANT: remember to only use this technique if advised by a medical professional).
So now it’s about 2:30 in the afternoon and I have been in touch with my midwife all day. She suggested that I try taking the castor oil now. Take a bit now, take a bath and a bit more in an hour. Drink LOTS and LOTS of water. Castor oil is not very appetizing. After taking the first dose I almost immediately threw up, I can still smell it. Yuck. This stuff is nasty. I ran a bath and relaxed for probably two hours. The castor oil made me feel so nauseous and sick. I made sure to drink lots and lots of water as to not to get dehydrated. I’m not really sure what Jason was doing at this time, probably watching a VHS or basketball. Haha.
**The reason Castor Oil is a natural labor inducer is it causes diarrhea, which then triggers contractions or waves of energy to help bring your baby to you. I read that it works for some and not others, I was really hoping it was going to work for me.
After I started to feel a bit better I came out of the relaxing tub. I didn’t want to get my hopes up that she would be coming that day because I had gotten my hopes up quite a few other times. I remember texting my Doula, Meg, around 6/6:30 updating her and I just really felt like it was going to happen tonight. And voila the castor oil worked for me, my contractions were about 8-10 minutes apart now.
About an hour later I was texting with my midwife letting her know contractions were getting closer and closer together and she texted back “It’s happening Amber! Your baby is coming to you”, I immediately began to cry, I was so excited!! And every time I remember this moment I cry. It was so surreal and such a special moment. Forever imprinted in my heart and mind. Again I tried not to be too excited as it just seemed to good to be true. As all mamas and papas out there know the anticipation is real. I had been waiting months and months for this day to come and it was finally here!!
To keep our minds busy, Jason and I walked down to Whole Foods to grab him some dinner. I didn’t want to eat much but knew I needed to so I got some chicken noodle soup and made a smoothie at home. I love smoothies, kale, banana, coconut water, and mango. Yum.
Around 9 o’clock I tried to go to bed. Get some rest. It didn’t last longer than 20 minutes, I just couldn’t sleep, I was too excited. Contractions were getting closer and closer together, but they were still pretty mild at this point. At around 10 p.m. Jason let my mom know that her granddaughter was coming and she could finally come be with us to help welcome her into the world. I finally knew it was real, it was happening, what such a special night. Jason began to fill the birthing tub when my mom got there so I could begin to relax and labor in it. He then let our doula, Meg, know that it was time and she could also join us to help bring Rowan into the world. It was happening!
As the night went on, the contractions began getting closer together and stronger. I loved laboring in the tub, I felt most relaxed there. During my time in the tub, Jason and Meg took turns giving me light touch back massages. It’s a type of massage used in hypno birthing and it really helped me to stay calm and relaxed. Another super important thing that helped me to stay calm and relaxed was all of my people who were there supporting me and reminding me of my birth mantras. “Your baby is coming to you”, “You’re body is strong”, “I am excited to birth my baby”, etc. I also had these hanging in our apartment for a few months before the birth, so I really instilled them in my mind earlier too.
I’m not sure what time it was but I think I had been laboring actively for about 6-8 hours when the midwives arrived. I was lucky to have an amazing birth team consisting of midwives Andrea, and midwives in training, Sasha and Kristy. I remember Jason talking to them on the phone when they got there to figure out parking and let them in the apartment building. Sasha was the first midwife to arrive and she began checking my vitals and the baby’s position and heartbeat, and continued to do so the remainder of the labor process.
I remember labor was getting tough, I began grunting and moaning a lot more at this point. Whenever my moans got too high pitched my birth team reminded me to bring that back down to a low octave as the higher pitched moans put stress on the body. At this time I was also getting weak. Food was not an option, as I did not feel like eating. I remember my mom was cooking tacos and roast for everyone else, though. I drank a lot of water, some watered down Gatorade and drank a bit of smoothie.
Jason and I spent a lot of time going from laying on the bed to him walking me to the bathroom so I could labor on the toilet, as this was the most comfortable position for me, to squatting by the couch in the living room. It was really great to be able to move as I needed and crouch into any position I needed to at any time, I couldn’t imagine not having this freedom through labor. I no longer was laboring in the large birth tub at this point. I was not strong enough to get in and out of the tub any more.
All of a sudden I felt a shift in my body and really thought she was coming but my water had yet to break. I went into the living room squatted, pushed and grunted, until I felt a huge gush of relief. My water finally broke and it was around 10-11 a.m. It was the most rewarding experience as so much pressure was relieved once the water broke.
Now I really felt like I was going to hold Rowan in my arms any minute. I was so anxious and ready to be done laboring at this point. She was surely getting closer and closer, the midwives had me feel around for her head and she was only about half a finger length away, she would be here so soon, I thought!
After a while, I grew weary, tired, a bit frustrated. I felt like crying. Meg assured me it was completely OK to cry. So there we were, Jason, my mom and I crying in the bathroom. They were happy, frustrated, tired, weak, yet excited tears. We were all very ready to meet Rowan.
I remember it wasn’t too long after that I felt a rush of energy come forth very strong and I told my mom I felt like I had to poop and I was sitting on the toilet at this time. Andrea said that’s a normal feeling and that it’s time, the baby is so close. Because it would have been hard for them to catch a baby delivered on the toilet, haha, I had to walk down the short hallway to the living room. That hallway seemed a lot longer in this moment.
The time was here, the final pushes. I grunted and I moaned and I pushed with all of my might. It took me a few pushes and I was leaning on Jason for all of my support at this time. I was told to reach down and feel her head, it was sticking out part way and feeling her head outside of my body for the first time ever, gave me the strength and courage to fully push her out. I still can hear Andrea saying “Ok, Amber, You’ve gotta do this, You’ve gotta push her out this time.” So with all of my strength and might I pushed and moaned and grunted and out came that slimy, squishy, long, beautiful, perfect, little Rowan. February 28, 2016 at 2:23 p.m. I met that 7lb 9oz, 21 inch, long baby girl. Kristy caught her and immediately handed her to me. Jason and I sat there on the floor tears streaming down our faces, amazed and completely in love with our sweet baby girl. I forgot to mention our dog Norah was there throughout the entire birth and I didn’t even notice, she was so relaxed and well behaved. But as soon as she realized Rowan was here, she came over and gave her a quick sniff. It was so sweet.
My hope for sharing my birth story is that women and men who read it realize how powerful and positive birth is, instead of fearing it, as so much of society does. This is birth, this is life. There is also a birth video of the last 3 minutes of labor and I cry every time I watch it.
Birth photos by my mama and Doula Meg.